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Unhappiness is good for you It's hard to confess to you that I'm happy on the farm. The Farmer and I are getting along well, and all that research about how if parents are in a happy marriage the kids are happier – well, that seems to be true for us. So I spend my days writing career advice and reading about goats and figuring out how to make enough unleavened deserts to keep the Farmer from hating Passover. When I need a break from thinking, I plant my vegetables in perfectly straight rows and hope for no more snow. The thing is, though, that it is not my nature to be sunny and bright. Now there's a study to support my instincts toward stress and anxiety. According to Leslie Martin, author of the new book, The Longevity Project, stress and anxiety that arise from working hard at something that is engaging and exciting to you is actually a more healthy way to live than in a regular state of cheerfulness. There's a lot of talk about happiness, and how to get it. Of course, I obsess about it on my blog, but, to be clear, I had decided happiness is lame, and we should not be trying to get it. Fortunately, I don't think other people are really looking for happiness either. For example, there is an insane cover story in Psychology Today billed as Four Secrets of Happy Families. One overachiever NYC family in the article has a daughter so obsessed with gymnastics that she practices every day after school while her mom drives to New Haven each week to teach at Yale. Seriously, this is a happy family? I don't think so. I think this is a family full of people who are engaged and passionate about their own stuff. There is scheduling conflicts all week. Family dinners once a week is an accomplishment. The thing is that I don't think it matters. As a society, we are not actually all that interested in happiness. If we were, people would stop relocating for jobs, people would stop eating french fries, and people would stop scheduling their kids for activities that happen close to dinnertime. If anything, I think people are focused on hiding the fact that they desperately want more money and more passion in their lives even though it's not fashionable to admit it. And all the research about how money doesn't buy happiness: I think get it, but we are unable to act on the news because we are programmed to want THINGS and money buys things. If we were satisfied with what we had, in cavemen times, we'd die as soon as there was a food shortage. Cavepeople always needed to feel like they needed more more more no matter how much they had in order to survive dry spells. So we can intellectually know that money doesn't make us happier, but it doesn't change our DNA. Embedded in our DNA is the sense that we always need to earn 15% more than we are currently earning. So here's the research: You earn 15% more and then you hang out with people a little richer, and then you don't feel as rich because rich is relative, and then you get that semi-rational urge to earn more money again. We can't help it. This conundrum reminds me of how we know that hot women are not better in bed, confident women are better in bed. But it doesn't stop men who are looking for a one-night stand to try hardest for the hottest girl. So you might wonder, are you really happy and you just don't know it? The answer is no. And that's good news. Because look, the Longevity Project says you'd be closer to dead if you were closer to happy. I am not sure why we are even talking about happiness when Sonia Lyubomirsky shows that 2/3 of our happiness level is predetermined by our genes. If you are an optimist you are more happy, if you are a pessimist you are less happy. It's a spectrum. You can work hard to change that last third, but instead, why not work hard to find what you are passionate about? Which is why I don't feel settled on the farm. I keep looking around for the next thing I'm going to do that's going to disrupt things. I'm passionate about disruptions, because when you find a new way to think about something you thought was true, that's disruptive and interesting. Like, I'm thinking maybe it won't be so bad if my goats eat my vegetables, because then I'll have an interesting problem to solve. I read a blog that said I can keep goats from eating something by spraying their pee on it. The idea of spraying my spinach with goat pee does not make me happy, but that it might work is fascinating to me.
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61 comments:
Basically, this means that unhappiness will keep people motivated to do better. WHen people are unhappy, they tend to be sad and develop a plan to do better. To some, this is very motivational. To others, its the end of the road. Some people view failure as the end of the road, but others see failure as a chance to get better at it.
Unhappiness is a very common, yet mysterious emotion. People tend to look for ways of improvement when unhappy. It gets their creativity and innovation flowing. Failure is prevalent within the life cycle and can be very detrimental to a person. However, people who trive off unhappiness find failure as a blessing to get better.
This lady is funny and interesting. I think it is cool that 2/3 of your happiness level is predetermined. I am not sure that being unhappy all the time is good though.
Stress is healthier than happiness. What will they come up with next. I understand unhappiness makes us strike for something better, but that something better is happiness. The cave man theory is interesting, but I will take being happy all of my days instead of being unhappy or rich. That's just me.
Unhappiness sucks. I don't like this article. I hate to be unhappy. And i don't think unhappiness motivates you to do anything.
I liked the article about unhappiness but I am not sure that being unhappy all the time would be a good thing. Maybe occasional unhappiness will be good for you, so that you would strive to do better.
She has a point, but unhappiness is not for me. I rather push forward and be the best I can be to make myself the happiest possible.
I liked this article I liked this part of the article. “Read a blog that said I can keep goats from eating something by spraying their pee on it. The idea of spraying my spinach with goat pee does not make me happy, but that it might work is fascinating to me. Even though she was unhappy about the fact that if she wanted to stop her goats from eating her vegetables, she would have to put there pee on it. She still thought that the ideal was interesting. When a person is unhappy they tend to turn an unhappy situation in to one that they can deal with.
I see her point in the article: unhappiness drives us to strive for better. However, I would much rather be happy than stressed.
I agree with the classmate above. Although some may tend to be driven by unhappiness to do better, the majority of people that are unhappy seem to suffer a lifetime of depression.
I can agree with this article to a certain extent. I do believe that unhappiness and let downs will eventually teach you a lesson and motivate you to do better next time. People will eventually learn to correct their mistakes. You can't be the kind of person who expects everything out of everyone. I just think there's a big difference in unhappiness and being upset for a short time because you don't get your way.
I don't enjoy being unhappy. There are times when I am but it doesn't make me want to "work in the garden". When I'm unhappy I just want to sleep it away. I'm not sure I can agree with this article but I can see where she's coming from.
Unhappiness is not always a motivator. I know people that when they become unhappy they shut down. Not everyone is motivated by unhappiness. I think that people are more motivated by happiness because things happen that make you happy and so you want more things to happen to you to make you happy, that is what motivates people.
I like the article, I just do not think that this correlates with unhappiness. This is about how people are motivated and driven. You can be happy with yourself and your family but still be driven to do more. Unhappiness is all about an emotion, but being driven is about action. Good thought just use of the wrong word.
I would have to say that I only partially agree that unhappiness can be a motivator to try harder at something so that you are happy; however, I feel that when I am unhappy I don't really want to do anything. I think when someone is already happy, it gives them motivation and the confidence to be more successful. I do agree that our happiness is a little pre-determined because the choice you make today will result whether you are happy or unhappy tomorrow.
What makes one person happy doesn't make someone else happy. It is hard to understand what drives people and what makes different people unhappy. Some people are never happy without working their entire lives, but for other people they would be happy retiring early.
This was a very interesting read. I think the state of being happy is situational becaus what makes me happy might not necessarily make others happy. I really understand where this author is coming from. Money doesn't buy happiness. It only creates more problems.
Different things make different people happy. It can be hard to determine what makes people happy. Money does not buy happiness.
I’m not sure if being unhappy is the right word for this, maybe it’s just always being inquisitive and sometimes aggravating to others. I do agree with the money situation though. I think that some people think that they always have to do better than their friend or neighbor, so they are always competing or trying to get ahead. I believe that this can be stressful. I would be interested in reading the book, just to see what this unhappiness is all about.
A lot of good things can come from someone who is unhappy. When someone is unhappy then always look for ways to better their lives. So a lot of good can come from being unhappy. Unhappiness kind of works as a motivation to get out and do something.
I think I understand what they are trying to give to the reader. Just because a family is successful and driven, doesn't ensure their happiness. I can admit that my family wasn't always happy, but we managed to grow and become successful in whatever we did while still making time for each other. Wants are a part of life and anyone says they never wanted for anything is a liar. It is a matter of deciding how this want can be achieved while doing things the right way and happiest way. Interesting view on the though of happiness.
This is one of my least favorite articles. I am a happy person 99% of the time. I don't understand why you would want to be unhappy. I strive for perfection as well, but I am a happy person while doing so. I do see here point on money. People strive for more and more to the point where they are never satisfied. I think you should look for the positive in everything you do.
I find it interesting that 2/3 of our happiness is predetermined in our genes. I do believe that unhappiness brings people closer to motivation and determination. I'm not sure that I agree that people are never happy. I think satisfied would be a better word. I think people can be happy, but not completely satisfied with life. There is always something to complain about, and this is simply because nothing is perfect. If everything was perfect, then everything would be boring. I think this was an interesting article, yet the writer seems like more of a pessimist.
It is good to have some unhappiness so that you can compare it to the happiness. Without one you cannot have the other. I agree that money does not buy happiness but it does make things a little bit easier and less stressful.
I do not think that being unhappy is a motivator. Everyone is motivated differently but I don’t think that many people are motivated by unhappiness. But to a certain extent if you are unhappy and mess something up it can motivate you to do better the next time. I think that is you chose to be a happy person then your life is a lot easier.
Ok the person who wrote this article is probably a very unhappy person, who’s longer for self gratification. I personally would love to be less stressed and unhappy in my life. I do not agree with this article at all. Funny to read though.
She seems to have a valid point but I would rather be happy!
Finally, a woman after my own heart! I have always struggled with being a more pessimistic person. I'm super glad that it might just really mean that I'm truly a more motivated person. Boo ya! Oh wait, was that just a happy comment?
This was a very interesting read but I think the state of being happy is situational because what makes me happy might not necessarily make other people happy. I really understand where this author is coming from because money doesn't buy happiness. It only creates more problems in the long run.
The concept of unhappiness being good for you is an interesting idea but I don't believe it is good for everyone. But for the people who can be encouraged to do better, then this is great for them.
I'm confused. If you are passionate about something won't it make you happy to do that activity? I agree its not good or normal to be happy all the time,but I think everyone still wants to be happy.
The title of this article kind of threw me off. It is hard to believe that being stressed out and somewhat unhappy can be better in the long run than just being happy and content all of the time. I am pretty much always stressed out and wish that I wasn’t! I also don’t know if unhappiness motivates me like the article stated. I feel like unhappiness just makes me sad and want to mope around all day, instead of changing the way I do something.
This can either help people or it will just shut people down. For most when you are unhappy you change the way you do it or how you look at it. But for most when you are unhappy, you just shut down and do not want to try it again. But you should never stop at it until you are happy about it and about yourself.
I will actually revert back to my previous comment on this one, "I absolutely believe in this. Happy employees are productive, but employees striving to achieve happiness are way more productive. In most jobs, it's usually the joy of pursuit that actually drives you, not the final product."
At times I think happiness can equal boredom. Once you've achieved everything you wanted in life, you start looking for the next thing. To me that's just human nature, we'll always want more.
It makes sense for someone to say that being stressed out and a little unhappy is better. The things that are terrible that we dread and hate are what makes happiness so real when it finally comes our way. You feel proud of yourself after completing a difficult task. It is the bad things that enable us to realize how good the good things truly are. People wouldn't look forward to the weekend and think that it was so great if the week part wasn't terrible.
This article is twisted in portraying unhappiness as a good thing. I try my hardest to stay a happy person and it has worked out well. Unhappiness can lead to so much more drama that would not exist with a happy person. I used to be a pessimistic person and worked my into becoming more optimistic. This has worked out great and I find myself motivated while still staying grounded. This woman seems to be a little off.
I do not agree with this article. I know that sometimes work is completed better when stress is applied but unhappiness is not ok with me. Stress and happiness are different.
Many people are unhappy with something in their lives. This could be anything from their appearance to how they feel about a particular thing or issue. People who are unhappy tend to want to improve more on their selfbeing.
The notion of unhappiness as a good thing is difficult to accept. On one hand, if there was no unhappiness, nobody would have anything to motivate them. But then again, if there was no unhappiness, who would need motivation? And for what reason? However I think the author's basic point is made. People need things to fix and things to improve to feel successful and validated. Still, I don't think people would opt for unhappiness for that reason.
This is a strange concept. I can understand that when employees are unhappy they may try harder to find a way to solve a problem and strive to be happier. However, a happy employee is usually a good employee. If you keep employees happy, they may become more productive and not quit due to unhappiness.
The truth is, without unhappiness you wouldn't appreciate happiness. It is a motivator and a reminder of what can be.
Unhappiness with high school level jobs are what drove me to college, and unhappiness with most of my bosses is what drives me to save money to open my own business. Happy people can discuss how content they are with life, I'll keep taking on more than I can chew and growing from it.
When I started reading this article and it talking about how happiness is not always the best thing, it really threw me for a loop, but after reading the full artilce it made me realize that this is very true and many people do not realize that they are living this style of life. I played baseball for almost 20 years of my life and I know my parents were happy to see me play, but I know they could not have loved driving me back and forth everyday, sometimes twice a day from practice to games for 3 different teams at once. Being happy and being truly in love with doing something may go hand in hand, but may go against eachother as well.
Money doesn’t buy happiness? Ha! Give me a million and watch how happy I get. I could be very happy not having to work and laying on the beach with a good book every day. I could be very happy traveling and experiencing things that only money in the bank can give me.
I don’t see how stress or unhappiness is good for anyone. I don’t really agree with this article at all. I think it causes more problems than it can solve.
I have always believed in the evolutionary, psychological theory that the happy humans had little drive to better themselves since they were already happy and were killed off by the unhappy ones. Succeeding in this world takes determination,and people who are happy, aren't usually determined to leave that happiness.
This article has a point. when you are unhappy you strive for ways to make it better. I also think of things like "it can't get any worse."
Exactly! You gotta push yourself to be happy and keep on setting new goals and standard in order to keep the mind sharp and quick.
I agree that hapiness is something that we think we want. Hapiness has different meanings for diferent people. I think that our country defines hapiness by monetary gains and material things. I think that this will make people happy only temporarily.
This was a really odd article read about unhappiness. Yes it is true that most people do not search for happiness and that it genetic for some people to be more optimistic than others. But we all have to work hard at what we want and find our passion in life.
This can be either way, either being unhappy will make you work to do better and be happy. Or it will do the opposite and continue to fall down the sprial of unhappiness. Can go both ways. Until your find your passion of what you want you will always just do the run of the mill until something better comes along.
I believe this is saying that if someone is unhappy they will push themselves to "right the ship" and make a better life for themselves. People want to be happy, it's in our nature. So we will do whatever it takes to make that happen.
I didn't really like this article. I work better and are more motivated to do things when I am happy. When I am unhappy I am just in a bad mood and don't do the best I can. I think that happiness is being happy with yourself and your life where it is at. I am happy with my life right now and it makes me excited to know what is coming next.
This article definitely brings up a good point. What exactly is everyone looking for to make them happy. Everyone is always saying if I have this or if I have that I will be happy. That's is why I just try to live in the moment and enjoy what I have. I try not to dwell on what I don't have. I think happiness is just a state of mind you get when you are being the best person you can be and just enjoy the things you have in life.
Even though unhappiness can drive someone to do better things, it is still not good for a person to be unhappy. This causes stress and many other problems.
I kind of agree with this article. Many people search for happiness and define it, but tend to stray more and more away from it. Everyone always wants more money no matter how much they make and that is not all places. Some people over seas are content with their pay. There is a CEO in Japan who actually cut his pay because business was not good he only makes 90k as a CEO. His wife of course isn't happy about it, but he did not see the need to make anymore than that.
Unhappiness can be a motive for some people to strive to obtain happiness. This is something I use as motivation. Unhappiness can be good for you in the short run not for an extended period of time.
Being unhappy helps people strive to be happy by trying to make their life better. I do not know how much I believe this because when I am happy I want to continue to feel like that so I keep on striving to do good. When I am unhappy I just want to sleep.
I do not agree with this article. Although I do agree that stress is a great motivator, I don't feel that stress always equals unhappiness. You can definitely be stressed and happy at the same time. I play golf all the time, and it stresses me out beyond belief. But I'm not unhappy about it.
Sense when is stress better for you than happiness. Is this study even viable? I know most people do have a lot of stress in their lives but are still happy people but no body wants more stress.
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