Career News 24/7: The Cynical Girl: The Myth of Customer Service in America

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Cynical Girl: The Myth of Customer Service in America

Posted: 25 May 2011 03:45 AM PDT

I’ve been waxing for nearly 20 years because I am an American woman who is trained to feel ashamed of her body hair. My eyebrows? Wax away. I can’t feel anything. A Brazilian? I can take the pain and do my taxes. (But I don’t do either because I’m not a fan of the Brazilian and Ken does our taxes.) And waxing my mustache? Well, it always hurts like hell but is required because I’m not Tom Selleck.

So this last time around, I went to a new chick. She is a young woman from North Carolina. I walked into her room and said, “I only scheduled an eyebrow wax. Can you do a bikini clean up?”

She said, “Take off your pants.”

And that was it. We were done in a record amount of time, there was no emotional connection, and I tipped her 30%.

So here’s where I am going with all of this.

Most people appreciate it when a company offers great products & services.
Amazing customer service is great, but it doesn’t make up for lackluster products or higher prices.
Many consumers find it degrading that we ask our underpaid retail and customer service employees to throw a parade every time we make a purchase. In fact, the circus slows us down.
When you offer amazing customer service and ask me to recognize your efforts, it’s needy and it makes me think that your underlying business model is flawed.

Be competent. Be quick. Be kind. Believe in your customers and trust that we are adults. Raise the conversation and raise your game by offering great products, great services, and competitive pricing. Don’t buy into the myth that one negative complaint destroys all the good will with other customers. In fact, I know the guy complaining about your company. I am related to him and he’s a dick. Nothing can make him happy. I know this — and I know you’re bigger and better than a company that panders to consumers (and whiners) with (metaphorical) balloons and confetti.

And I don’t want confetti anywhere near my hoo-ha, anyway.