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Monday, October 24, 2011

Dear Prudence: Sleeping With the Frenemy

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Dear Prudence
Sleeping With the Frenemy
Dear Prudence offers advice on confessing to an affair with a BFF's husband—during a live chat at Washingtonpost.com.
By Emily Yoffe
Posted Monday, Oct 24, 2011, at 07:28 PM ET

Emily Yoffe, aka Dear Prudence, is on Washingtonpost.com weekly to chat live with readers. An edited transcript of this week's chat is below. (Sign up here to get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week. Read Prudie's Slate columns here. Send questions to Prudence at prudence@slate.com.)

Emily Yoffe: Good afternoon. Let's get to it.

Q. Three's a Crowd: "Laura" and I have been best friends since we were 10. Four years ago her husband, "James," needed my help on a work-related matter and came over without Laura, who was busy with something else. It involved a very difficult and tedious task, and we decided to make it more tolerable by bringing out some wine. That night James and I ended up sleeping together. I always had a small, harmless crush on James but never in my wildest dreams fantasized about acting on it until that night. We both felt very guilty afterward. I even tried to cut off contact with Laura for awhile, but she kept calling me in tears asking what she'd done wrong. I feel horrible, and I am not even attracted to James anymore. We avoid each other as best as we can. I'm struggling with whether I should confess to Laura or not. I can't get over what I did, but should I tell her?

A: If you were going to confess, the time for confession was at the time. Cast your mind back to ...

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