The Cynical Girl: Love, Sex, Power, and Work |  |
| Posted: 06 Jun 2011 04:42 PM PDT
Lame. But this isn’t 1995 — and it’s disappointing to know that we still lack the intelligence and subtlety in our language to properly discuss love & sex at work. * So first of all, let’s get the obvious out of the way. Americans are weird. We pretend that work is noble, righteous, passionate, and meaningful. We throw our heart and souls into a job even though our employers would gladly replace us with robot monkeys if they could. We don’t have healthcare. We don’t take vacations. And the problem with work is that it is rarely noble and it is hardly ever righteous. Most of the time, our jobs are meaningless. The only thing that makes our jobs more interesting is sex — or the possibility of companionship and love. This applies to politicians, doctors, lawyers, and plumbers. And I can’t tell you how many ‘office crushes’ got me through the worst HR jobs in America. Unfortunately, crappy employee litigation and stupid HR departments have forced us to pretend that sex & love are something that shouldn’t happen in the office. It is not appropriate. Stop fucking around (literally) and get back to work. But love is happening daily. And it’s beautiful. I met my husband at work. Bill Gates met his wife at work. I watched a waitress at The Waffle House flirt with the cook. And I’m pretty sure Newt Gingrich met one of his three wives at work. The heart wants what the heart wants, right? Even at work. * Now listen, before you yell at me, there is no room for inappropriate behavior — ever. But it’s dudes like David Vitter, John Ensign, John Edwards, and Anthony Weiner who ruin sex & love & flirting for the rest of us. Because these dudes screwed up and abused their power, we have to pretend even harder that it’s wrong for two regular people (like you and me) to hook up at work. Or flirt. Or sext. Or whatever. So the lesson of these flawed politicians might be as simple ask this: make sure you are an adult before you hook up with someone at work. Don’t stalk anyone. Don’t tweet your junk. And stop fucking it up for the rest of us. As the resident HR chick around here, I am sick of doing situation-based sexual harassment training courses because some dude behaved badly.               |
| Ultimate List of HR Blog Topics Posted: 06 Jun 2011 06:45 AM PDT I had a conversation with Lance, a few weeks ago, that went something like this.
Dang. So true. That guy is smart. So in honor of our awesome conversation, here is the ultimate list of HR blogging topics. And there are 11 topics.
Are there any more HR blogging topics? I don’t think so. And as you can see, I’m guilty of writing about each and every one of these topics. I suck, too.        |
| Posted: 06 Jun 2011 03:45 AM PDT |
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84 comments:
There is much truth to the subject article. In some instances the dating leads to a long lasting marriage among co-workers. There is much evidence to support the statistical data that surrounds us. Granted when things go south in the relations it makes for an awkward working environment. Some of us daily lives are so demanding that our social circle and our working circles are intertwined. Nothing wrong with finding love in the workplace.
I do agree with her that finding love in the workplace can be an innocent, good thing, if it's kept appropriate for the workplace. My best friend and her boyfriend of four years now met at work. And it's worked wonderfully for them. Their boss is fine with them dating as long as the keep the PDA out of the workplace, which they do. I agree with the author of the article that men do need to stop doing dumb stuff like sending racy pictures of themselves to coworkers and ruining innocent flirtations for the rest of us!
i feel that finding love in the workplace is appropriate as long as they keep the PDA and their personal relationship out of the office.
I agree that relationships at work can work out as long as they are kept professional at work. Nothing inappropriate should occur because there are other employees who may not want to be subjected to that.
I do agree that work relationships can work out if they are kept strictly professional when needed. My parents have worked at the same company for a very long time and they are still happily married after 32 years. However I do think when you are at work you should focus on work, you are there for a reason. I'm not saying do not enjoy yourself but you need to know when there is a time for love and a time to be serious.
I personally disagree with this article, I believe that bringing sex into the work place can also bring awkardness. What if it doesn't work out? Are you going to be okay when he starts flirting up with another girl after you have let him go down on you? No it is NOT okay. At work, you should be professional, leave the flirting and sex and all the rest at home, or at the club, because once you step into that office, you need to be top notch.
Yes, I feel as society evolves our ethics and beliefs must evolve as well. Discussion of sex and relationships happen everyday, so employers should except it and integrate in into their policies. I think is would work as long it doesn't get to the extent of public display of affection or sex within the work place.
I don't see why people cannot date each other when they work at the same work place. It should be okay if they are not acting inappropriate in front of others. No human can stop love, no matter how many rules and guidelines you set out for the workers.
Its not a big deal. We even have 2 professors at Southeastern that are married and working in the same building. As long as a couple can maintain their professionalism, I don't see a problem with it.
I deeply respect the writer. As long as adults can behave themselves like adults at work and be professional when the time calls for it, who gives a darn if they have some freaky, kinky, happy hour set up. The best way for this is to either have a simple acknowledgement in public or if possible nothing that draws attention to yourself and the other party. And especially no posting on Facebook or any of the trackable social medias about how much of a great time you had with fill in the blank.
This writer of this article seems real down to earth about this subject. Everything she says for the most part I agree with. I do believe men and women alike can do dumb things that give this a bad name but for the most part office relations are okay if kept appropriate.
I think office relations should be allowed because it's part of life. The environment you spend more time at than any other place should be limited socially. Basically sex in the workplace is part of the way our culture is.
I don't have a problem with relationships between co-workers as long as they act appropriate and professional within the workspace, leaving the PDA and their personal relationship for another place and time. I don't agree with anyone dating the boss. This causes many situational conflicts for all involved. It's great if things work out, but it can be difficult to deal with the aftermath of a bad break up.
Isn't the workplace the number two place that relationships start? It only makes sense being how much time people spend together. Once a relationship is formed however, I do think that some professional separation needs to occur.
I agree with the article also, relationships can work in the work environment if both the individuals are professional and know how to separate work from home.
My boss once told me to "Never Dip You Pen In Company Ink". This is very similar in context. The marriage between co workers can have its benefits, but as someone in a previous post said, all it takes is for a relationship to go sour and then the work like if effected. Who knows if the two can remain cordial. The thing is this type of love and sex in the work place is so common place and will never disappear.
Considering some people spend more time at work than everywhere else, to tell them they cannot seek a relationship with anyone there is crazy. It will happen. Love finds you no matter where you are. This is not a situation where you can say “no one can date in this office”. It’s a case by case deal. Of course if you are being inappropriate there are consequences and may result in being fired, but I would think that is not the greater population
I completely agree with this article. Many Americans spend more time at work than they do at home. With all the time spent at the workplace, its only natural to harbor a crush for a coworker or even fall in love. Company policies concerning inter-office dating should be slackened to where it's acceptable as long as it doesn't interfere with work.
Well this is interesting! I have to agree with her. Many people find their ‘significant others’ at work and just because a select few have gone about it the wrong way, shouldn’t mean that it frowned upon.
I think it is up to the two people involved to work out how things should be between them; however; keeping in mind rationale and not going overboard in the work environment or doing stupid things to get yourself or the other person in trouble.
This is an interesting article; I wasn’t sure where it was going. This is definitely a touchy subject to most everyone. It blows my mind that politicians and other authorities choose to engage in such risky behavior. Anthony Weiner is a fool for sending pictures of him via a social networking site. These men have a responsibility to their state/country and an obligation to act morally; Scandals of this nature should not exist, however they are only becoming more common. I’m not sure how I feel about relationships at work, but I do believe that you can’t determine that it’s all-together a bad thing. It depends on the situation, the two people involved, and the nature of the relationship.
Situations like these can become problematic if not handled in a mature fashion. Love does not take a backseat simply because it is found in the workplace. One should always hold their composure and have their priorities in order. Keep work and fun separate and do not try to bring one into the other. However, most social interactions happen through work which makes it almost inevitable to escape the feelings of emotions such as love.
I believe that the heart wants what it wants. Falling for someone you work with can be very problematic, but with both parties understanding that they should separate what happens in the workplace from what happens outside of the workplace all should go well.
I don't think I could actual date someone with whom I work with, but if it does happen I'll make sure to be careful on how I handle the situation.
I believe that if someone wants to date the people that they work with that is fine. I have personally dated girls that I work with and as long as the relationship at work stays professional then there is no problem.
I think that if someone wants to date a person that they work with is fine, as long as it do not interfere with their work. I have dated a person I worked with and for the longest no one knew we dated. We always kept it professional and everything worked out fine.
I don't see the problem in relationships between coworkers. As long as you save the drama at home and keep everything professional, I see no reason for employees to get hostile. It's part of life. The more you spend time with another person in limited space, your bound to flirt. Sex is apart of our everyday life, whether inside the workplace or out.
Sex makes everything better. Who wouldn’t want to work with their spouse and have some office sex? The main question for me is, "How the hell is any work ever going to get accomplished?” This wouldn’t work as much as we would all love it to.
Down right simply put. Yes Americans are very weird when it comes to talking about sex, our culture has made us shy away from any form of it.But yes this article does have some very valid points when it come to work place discussion of sex. However if all of us openly talked and flirted this way, i believe a lot of us would confuse that boundary line more often than not.
I agree with this article, much of it is true. There is also lots of evidence that supports the data that surrounds us. I find nothing wrong with finding love in the workplace.
Finding love in the workplace is very normal, some people just go about it the wrong way. I see nothing wrong with it as long as the two people to take it overboard and do what they are suppose to do in the workplace, and leave relationship stuff for other times.
Relationships in the workplace can be great but when it goes bad... God help us.
Relationships are terrible in the work place. Even friends and work dont mix. Its just a bad idea because 99% of the time it turns out bad.
Relationships are easier to start in the work place because you already know if you are attracted to the person. You usually know their relationship status and you know their personality and what their view points are. It is easy to get familiar with them because of the time spent together and the same goals and obstacles shared.
I see nothing wrong with relationships working in the work environment. My parents actually met while working together. They were both managers of target in Lafayette. So, I definitely agree with relationships in the work environment.
I think relationships in the workplace can be good and bad. It seems like it would be easy to fall into a relationship with a person in your workplace because you share some interests with them. On the other hand though, some relationships in the workplace can cause havoc if the person is already married or in a relationship with someone else.
Sucks right? Well that is exactly how i feel about the parking stickers we must use on our cars at SLU. Just because some people were to immature to have hanging tags, and were snatching professor hanging tags, they launched the sticker, which is a bitch in my opinion. Especially with it being such a high rate of commuters. Windshields tend to be replaced more if you are someone that is travelling the interstate regularly, and the sticker goes with it for sure. Just another thing added to your list...
I think as long as you are adults, it is okay to have relationships through work. A lot of people work all day or all the time and don't really do anything else and therefore can't meet people outside of the office. It is when people become immature and have to brag or constantly discuss it that it becomes a problem.
This is an interesting article. Love in a work place is not a bad thing if it works but can be if it don't. She says it in the article, that she tired of doing sexual harassment training courses. Well reason why she is doing them is because it was a failed attempt for love in a work place. I don't agree or disagree with it, I just think that it can work but it is risky.
Love can be found in the least expected place..why not the work place? As long as the individuals involved keep it professional I see no problem with it.
I am obsessed with this link! I think it is funny and 100% true! No one loves their job all of the time, so the few people that you like at work get you through those harder days. I work in a restaurant, and if I didn't have some of my eye candy, I wouldn't stay sane having to wait on all those rude people every day. Basically, it doesn't hurt anyone to flirt and look. Just do it respectfully and make sure you know how the other person feels about the topic as well, just to avoid confusion. :)
I agree. There's no reason a relationship shouldn't be allowed to evolve in the work environment. Although, it should be kept appropriate. Having restrictions over this matter, in my opinion, puts dishonesty and lurking in the workforce.
I think that relationships have the ability to work out if two people work together as long as they keep their business to themselves and remain professional at their place of employment. They should not bring their problems to work or discuss their personal business with their coworker which could lead to more arguments and problem at home as well as create them in the work place. I think that the people in the relationship should keep it personal and keep it professional.
44. I do believe that we do find ourselves being more noble that we really are. I mean we did have a president commit adultery while in office and nothing happened to him. He is still loved by Americans for his term in office. One day we should look to being more mature and honorable by our peer.
It's been happening since the beginning of time and will continue to happen. The only difference now is the increased amount of information we have access to and the media's need for a good scandal. I think there's nothing wrong with it; standards of workplace behavior still apply.
This article is so true. Most people get through their day of work because they have someone that keeps them entertained.I agree that if you dont know how to keep your business between you and the person it shouldn't be done at work.Love in the workplace is normal.
I have seen many romances form in the workplace and I had a crush on a guy at work once. I was in high school. We always flirted at work but that was the furthest it went. Honestly, I HATED my job so it kept me occupied. Since then I have had about 4 other jobs and have witnessed actual relationships begin (and sometimes end)at work. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Everyone was single. No marriages were broken up. I am okay with it as long as it doesn't involve a husband or a wife.
I do not personally have a problem with relationships in general in the workplace. When the problems start when one person uses that relationship to get ahead. As long as both employees are on the same level of not one in charge of any other employee it is suitable. The people in the relationship also decide if it is right or wrong. And most of these people know when they are crossing the line, or should know.
I really dont have a problem with relationship either I am a pretty easy person to get along with thats on any level employer or just regular family members its hard but I maintain.
believe that people shouldn't talk about sex in the workplace. In some cases, it might make another worker feel uncomfortable and make it a hostile environment. Sex is such a personal subject and shouldn't be brought up. Bottom Line!!!
As with anything in life, as long as things have a good balance and two coworkers keep the appropriate level of professionalism, a romantic relationship among them in a workplace can work out.
I know that the workplace is a common place to meet a future spouse. It is also a bad place for people who are already married to cheat on their spouses. Many times people can start affairs in the workplace. People need to be very cautious with relationships in the workplace.
The cynical girl is hitting the points on target. Some people go the extra mile knowing their employers would sell them out in a minute. I agree that secret affairs at work are beneficial at times. They can help get through work issues more smoothly. Despite what the HR department wants employees to think office romance is a wonderful thing to experience.
I agree with this article. I think some people can form great relationships in the work place, but they should be mindful to know when they are crossing the line with inappropriate behavior. It's called maturity! In today's world people should know what's appropriate and what's not, if they don't maybe they should take a etiquette class to get a better understanding. If you can't distinguish the signs of someone that wants to be hit on by you or doesn't, then maybe you shouldn't and move on. But I know there are some guys that just don't know when to get the hint, and maybe they just need to you to be straight forward. Not in a bad way, but in a manner that lets them know where you stand. On the other hand, there are women that like to lead men on, which can lead to be a bigger problem at work then outside of work because YOU WORK WITH THEM. Outside of work you can just ignore them and they'll probably get the idea, but when it's at work things can become a little bit more difficult. In the end it comes down to communication and respect! If people can do this, harassment suits could be avoided and good relationships at work can evolve.
I think sometimes it is okay to find a relationship at work as long as you don't act inappropriate while you're there. And if a regular employee is having a relationship with a mananger or something, a lot of people might think that person will get extra job perks.
I believe business and pleasure should be separate.
I think this does go back to the American idea about work. It the most sacred and devout thing that Americans have. As we become more and more social, we truly become a lot more antisocial. A lot of Americans work and that's about it for social interaction. So where are they going to meet the love of their life? Probably at work.
The problem comes when it doesn't work out. Then drama ensues. Does that mean that love can't happen? Of course not. But the idea is that trying to make it happen should be the exception not the rule, but Americans as a whole make themselves always the exceptions so they think they are beyond the rules.
Wow! Well this article is really the truth in most cases. So many people start some type of relationship with a person they work with. Although many of these "relationships" are often uncalled for, sometimes happy marriages do actually come out of working together.
Yes, I would say that this writer is cynical. I disagree that our jobs are meaningless. If you have a meaningless job, be sure that you get your resume together and find another one. Find a job that is meaningful. Become your own boss, invent something, something that will satisfy you. Possibly in the very young you might think that the only thing more meaningful than your meaningless job is interesting sex. Youth of today, you had better wake up unless you want a life of getting your fling pregnant or worse getting an std.
dating is a great thing just sometimes people take their taking over board and make it more than what it is. we live in a life where we want to marry someone so we date people to find that one person we wanna spend our life together. if love is found at work or a job you half to be professional about it and dont let it affect the work enviroment.
Like seriously I think peole just need to learn how to be adults about things and professional about things. If they find someone they love in the workplace than just be mature about it and don't walk around your job flaunting it for all to know who your doing! When people get childish and break up they wan to all of a sudden file sexual harrassment claims...get real people and grow up we are all human!
I agree with the author when she talks about how sometimes the only thing that makes jobs more interesting is the possibility of companionship. I believe people should be free to flirt or date at a job but remain respectful to the workplace. Don't let the love interfere with the job that has to be done, of course.
I can see the authors point, but I disagree with it mostly because I feel that you can find a job that is meaningful to you without having a "crush" or "fling" with a coworker. I think the rule of managers not dating subordinates is good. The issue there is conflict of interest. I don't think that lovers cannot work together but there has to be a fine line and discipline on the part of both "lovers". I think my husband and I could work very well together and still be quite professional.
I feel that there are a few rules when in the work place. Don't talk about religion, no personal life talk and don't get involved with a coworker. These things I feel have a time and a place. But it seems that more often than not people get involved with coworkers. I’ve seen marriages out of them and divorces. So I don't feel work is the place for a relationship. I know when you spend seven to eight hours a day with a person five days a week for a month’s years and longer feelings can come from this.
This article is hilarious, especially that I am wanting to be in HR. But, the beginning does make some good points, my mother and father met at work and if it wasn't for that then me, my sister or my brother would have never been here. It is funny how school wants you to network your self to get you in a good career, but once you have that career you cannot "network" (build connections) yourself to find your significant other, because some people have made it into a bad behaviors (sexual harassment) for everyone else.
I have the sneaking suspicion that the author of this article is a mediocre-looking 40-something-year old with some serious unresolved sexual tension. Why else would you get that bent out of shape from perfectly reasonable social norms? Nobody is complaining about office romances, until they reach the point of distraction. I think “sexting” would qualify. Also, if the only redeeming quality of your job is possibility of sex, you need to get into a new profession (or get fired). And the author is married, no less!
Well it is no secret that she is excited about sex at work. HAHA Really I don't agree with her "point". I mean sex should remain outside of the work place. If two co-workers decide that they would like to become more that just that then they should only do so outside of their jobs.
Work can be a great place to meet new people. People use work as a network to build relationships everyday. If a relationship want to be take further I think that should be done outside of work and leave the workplace as a place of professionalism. What you and another person does in your personal time is your business but when it becomes a distraction to work then it becomes a problem. In all, I support that work can be a place to build relationships but when it comes to sex leave that out of the workplace.
I think that if it is harmless flirting, then its fine. But I do not think that it is at all professional to carry on a work relationship because if it gets nasty, it makes everything hard and awkward. I have seem work hook ups more than I can count, and it never ends good. it never ends good especially when your coworkers know about it. I think thing to do is to not have one where you work.
I honestly see nothing wrong with people finding love at work as long as they keep it professional. When at work, they make sure work comes first in the office. Scandals with people hooking up at work has completely ruined the idea of being able to find love at work. When people get so involved with work, their coworkers are who they see the most and could most possibly find a connection with. I see no harm in this if done professional.
best article of the semester. Sex is awesome and it makes work doable. HAHA "Doable" Screw HR...
The people you work with you spend most of your time with so why not get to know them on another level then just professional. Their is a line that should not be crossed and if something goes bad with that person you got to remember that you got to work with them.
There is a time and a place for everything. Most of the time people who work together are attracted to each other. They have the same interests and schedules. They also see each other for 40 plus hours a week. I think it is wrong for employers to forbid it, but there are boundaries. And if it something went wrong in the relationships, then people can become unfair and biased.
I think that dating in the work place can either go really well or really bad and I've had the opportunity to witness both. Also, work can break up a relationship due to couples being around each other too much and it will conflict with the quality of work. Also, it can create for great chemistry and for two people to work together very well and accomplish a lot of great things for a company or personally owned business.
There is nothing wrong with work and relationships as long as you keep it professional. I can honestly say that most women I have dated I have met at work. Human Resources can enforce the "don't get involved with your co-workers" policy, but at the end of the day people want what people want. Just keep it professional and all is well and everyone is happy.
I think it is up to the two people involved to work out how things should be between them; however; keeping in mind rationale and not going overboard in the work environment or doing stupid things to get yourself or the other person in trouble.
It all depends on the two people who the relationship is with. If the two people can keep work and romance separate then there will not be a problem. But if something bad happens at home it should not affect you at work or the other way around. My mom and step dad meet through work and they love working together and still do.
I thought this articles was pretty inappropriate, and I think the author is quite delusional. I don't believe anyone is against healthy relationships being formed or simply being at the work place. Sex is a big deal to most people, and if people are just randomly hooking up at work, trust me it will get really complicated really fast. A work place should be professional and a comfortable environment for those who don't want to be harassed and those who want to keep there private lives out of the office.
In the workplace, it seems like the only person who is against things like this is your boss. Bosses don't like the idea of paying you to flirt, have fun, and gain a relationship out of it. I guess I wouldn't like that too much either.
I agree that you can find love in the workplace, but what happens if the relationship turns sour? The couple still have to see each other every day and that may hurt job production
I am torn on this topic. I think that sometimes, if its the right person and it's harmless, its not a big deal. If you're both two adults and can do it without making things awkward at work then go for it. But don't expect it not to get out. I also believe that sometimes its better to let it be and like from afar. sometimes its better not to act on feelings. I'll be honest i've been burned before. it sucks when everyone you work with finds out. thankfully, I can hold my head up, roll it off my sholders, and not give a rats ass what everyone else thinks. It happens, it will continue to happen, and if the two people think that they can handle it, go for it, but be prepared for the consequences, weather they be good or bad.
hahahahahaha. This article made me laugh. It is so true, we hear it all the time no messing around with coworkers, bosses or whoever at work. If everyone could grow up and be mature about the situation and not let things get out of hand I believe it is appropriate.
Okay so i agree somewhat with what she has to say. I agree that politicans have gotten love at work a dirty taste in HR's mouth and we suffer from their ignorant choices. However, there is a time and place for everything. Thats great that people meet at work, and fall in love, BUT it does not mean that you should show it as you would as if you were at home. I feel that office relationships are fine, with boundaries. Without boundaries your focus is going to go to your lover, and not your work. Go to lunch together or have coffee breaks, but it shouldn't effect your working habits. Love is everywhere and you can't help what the heart wants, but you can pull the reins back when it comes to work and not be on top of one another.
Simply put, I don’t think relationships belong in the office. It is just another reason to get unearned special treatment. There are Plenty of fish in the sea that work elsewhere. If the relationship really is worth it, then you don’t mind finding another job so that you may courting each other.
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