 A few hours before I went to live with my aunt, Yvalia came to say good-bye to me. I was happy to see her because prior to her visit, I was crying alone in my empty bedroom at Uncle Andre’s house; I was still skeptical about my adaption with the small corner in my aunt’s house, but I managed to not let Yvalia see that I was crying. As a matter of fact, I held a smiley face. Something unexpected was going to happen: a moment of passion. “Hey, Evenson, are you okay?” “I am trying, little mango.” “Is that you, Evenson?” Yvalia called out, approaching slowly. Like she used to do, she jumped to give me the most perfect friendly hug. “Oh, hey, my Yvalia, don’t make me fall on the floor because your hug is too powerful,” I said. “Have you been drinking, because I smelled alcohol when you started talking,” Yvalia asked. “No…no. Not at all—only have two bottles of wine.” I looked at her straight in the eyes. “Just, yes, just wine—wine helps me to stay relaxed.” “You are sure about that? Only two bottles of wine?” “Yes, Yvalia.” “Why is the smell of alcohol so strong?” “I don’t know, Yvalia. Maybe because I still haven’t eaten dinner, yet.” “I can’t let you go without seeing you, and I would like to tell you that I will, for sure, visit you at your aunt’s; however, my brothers and sisters will probably go crazy about that. Anyway, I will visit you. I feel that I am in a different world now for a few reasons. First, I lost my favorite spot under my mom’s almond tree, where we used to laugh, cry, and have our most friendly conversations. Second, I will not have somebody close to me to talk about things that make me happy or sad. Third, this friendship is the best treasure that I have in my life,” she said. I looked sad from the beginning of her first word. It was difficult for me to accept that new reality in my life, living far from Yvalia, for I knew many things in her life, and I was effectively the best moral support for her—she always felt fantastic when she was with me. I remember when her sisters used to say, “If Yvalia is laughing so loud, Evenson is here.” Yes, the separation was difficult for me, I admit. I was merely asking life if things couldn’t be different, but I couldn’t undo the reality. We went inside the room to see if I had taken everything out. Then, we sat on the floor to continue our conversation. The sun started setting below the western horizon that evening, and all of a sudden, there was a moment of silence between us. She glanced at me, and I also took a quick look at her. Without saying a word to each other for a good three minutes, we both lay completely on the floor. Slowly, she put her head on my chest, then her body completely on me, so we started hugging each other, and our bodies responded emotionally. At first, we managed to just enjoy the hugs; however, we both were fighting the physiological reactions of our nerves. But the intensity of the reactions of our senses became stronger and stronger, so we started kissing. The kiss was as if we were two passionate lovers who couldn’t see each other for years and then found the perfect occasion to let out their kissing passion. While we were kissing, we hugged each other so tight; we could barely breathe well, but we didn’t care. And while we were kissing, we both had tears coming down on our faces, and we sympathetically kept saying, “I’ll miss you, I’ll miss you, I’ll miss you.” We realized that it was getting late, so we ended the affectionate moment because I had to go to my aunt’s. When we got up from the floor, we felt a little bit uncomfortable. I said, “I didn’t want that to happen between us because my love for you wasn’t to be girlfriend and boyfriend.” “I know, Evenson, but I kissed you because I wanted to have it as one of the best memories of our friendship, and I would like to thank you for not letting yourself go all the way, for I would not be able to refuse you; there is something that I have hidden for a long time,” said Yvalia. “What, Yvalia?” “Evenson, I love you, but I know we’re powerless to do anything about it because of how my family negatively rushed to mess up our wonderful friendship.” “Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?” “And at the beginning, it was purely a deep friendship appreciation, but that moment when you were about to go living far from me, I felt that my heart couldn’t resist anymore; I will never forget you in my life—the kiss was not a violation of our friendship; indeed, it’s the precious souvenir that my heart will cherish for the rest of my life.” “Okay, Yvalia, I understand. So do you feel that kiss will be a consolation for you?” “Yes, Evenson, and it’s time for you to go, for it’s getting late; I don’t want anything to happen to you because the streets are not safe at night.” “Okay, you are right, I am going to leave now, so another hug—hum…m…m…m.” “Bye, Evenson.” “Bye, Yvalia.” “Next Sunday, I will visit you.” “Okay, I will be more than happy to see you, Yvalia.” She gave me an envelope, and she commanded me to read it as soon as I arrived at my aunt’s house. When we were about ten feet away from each other, she shouted, “I miss you.” The letter: Dear Evenson, I am very much lucky that I met you in my life, and you have changed my dark past to a new horizon. The experience I’ve known with my brother, Yve, intoxicated my mind and my heart. What he did to me was ill-intentioned. Before I had you as my best friend, I had a significant empty spot in my heart and my mind, but you now make me feel that life has more sense ahead for me. Before I met you, I tried everything on my own to relieve my memory from the terrible images when my brother was abusing me sexually; however, I couldn’t overcome the malaise. I prayed, smiled to others, and preoccupied myself with religious activities, but still there was something dark inside of my mind. You brought a new light in my life in only a few minutes after I told the disturbing secret. I’ve noticed a different personality in me. Yes, you today make me feel that my future won’t be subject to deception and rejection. When I smile now, the joy comes from profoundly in my heart, but before it wasn’t like that: my soul was constantly in sadness inside of me. I thought that I didn’t have any more pride and qualities, but you nowadays make me feel as if I am still a precious person in the society. The fear that I had is almost gone. The images of Yve on top of me when I was 7 are almost gone because of all your wonderful advice. I really don’t know how to express my joy for knowing you. I would not get the idea I am still a great person even though I was sexually abused by my own brother. All the things I knew about me was perhaps a bad girl who had sex very young. I didn’t know if one day I would see myself as a wonderful person. Yes, I didn’t give myself more importance than a prostitute walking up and down Dessalines Boulevard. I didn’t consider that someday I could be a model for young teens to follow, and my self-esteem was always at its lowest point. I failed to look at myself as someone that somebody else should trust. I felt that my life had no sense at all since I was very young. So, since I have you as my best, true friend, I today have the impression that my life starts over. And now I feel immensely blessed to have a chance to get everything right about my personality. Nowadays, I feel that I am alive for real in this deceptive life. Since the first few hours after I told you how my brother monstrously abused me, I was surprised to learn from you that my qualities are beyond the acts of abuse that I was a victim of. This idea from you was made even more clear to me recently as I sat under the shade of the almond tree by myself thinking that I shouldn’t blame myself because of the fact that I didn’t have any idea how being sexually abused by my brother, Yve, would impact me psychologically. I remembered one day when he brutally forced himself to get inside of me. It was like a bunny that was violently attacked by a 190-pound tiger. I somewhat wanted to tell my mother, my brothers, and my sisters about all the abuse, but I never had the courage to do so. But when I became aware of the extent of the mental confusion inflicted to me, I thought about doing something bad to my brother. Thank you for giving me a renewed joy, even though my brother took from me something that I will never have back again. I used to feel trapped by negative memories, stuck in depression, humiliated for many years, but life sent you as the best, respectful friend to turn to then. You gave more than good advice. You are a great person and thank you for everything. Remember you will be fine. I will keep praying for you. Your loving friend, Yvalia Dear reader, if I had the power to start everything from scratch in my life, I would be more than happy to see myself with Yvalia under the almond tree because there is nothing that can replace a true friend in this difficult life. You know as well as I know that a true friend is not only difficult to find, but a true friend is extremely rare. You realize that no matter how close somebody can be with his or her family members, an outsider can be the best confidant for you, and you can be most trustworthy for someone else. In this friendship, I decided to have a positive impact in Yvalia’s life, and she did the same thing in my life. You can say that I was either weak or crazy, for the fact that on a perfect occasion, I avoided having sex with my friend Yvalia. But let me tell you this: today, I am extremely happy because I didn’t do it for a few reasons. First, I was young, but I had the capacity to understand and discover the difference between love based on friendship and love based on an erotic relationship. Second, I have learned what a good friend means in life. Third, a good friendship is a backup that neither money nor gold can buy. Moreover, I would feel miserable, terrible in my life if, in fact, I tried to take advantage of her after she told me what happened in her life with her brother Yve. Furthermore, I discovered that I could respect myself and my own words since I was very young. Finally, I would like to tell you if you find someone who really cares for you, please don’t increase the nightmare of bad memories in that person’s life—remember, sometimes friendship is more fragile than a relationship. Yvalia’s face was so sad that I’d rushed and challenged myself to find the best way to help her in her situation. I had said to her that there’s no reason to feel so depressed because she didn’t have any maturity when her brother perpetuated his abusive actions on her. She was like mentally blinded, forever blinded by the abuse. She was so badly depressed that I was tempted to attack Yve physically. It was a miracle she didn’t think of committing suicide with that level of anxiety, and also she was courageous. Yvalia’s outlook on life and her attitude about having a good future based on her faith in Jehovah were courageous, too. Her faith, patience, and resistance to her confusion amazed me. I was there to tell her that she was born to live the best life possible because she didn’t do anything wrong; she was simply and clearly a victim. I must admit that I didn’t know if my expressions would really help her because her situation was so shocking. I remember her teeth almost cut my skin when her head was on my chest while she was crying because she thought without being a virgin, a girl or a woman would never have a good life. But after being the only one who first knew about the disturbing secret, I did my best to help her to no longer be confused about her devastating abuse. Instead, she became more resilient, and her determination to have a good education was at all times higher than ever. Continues... |
No comments:
Post a Comment