The Cynical Girl: Any Monkey Can Do Your Job

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Any Monkey Can Do Your Job Posted: 16 Aug 2012 03:45 AM PDT My colleague, Lizzie, is out on her honeymoon. She left our team a list of things to do while she is out. Then she called and said, “I suck, Laurie. My job can be distilled down to seventeen things.” And I said, “Yeah, and the intern can do most of them.” Dang. I’m a stone cold boss. But then I told her — that’s the modern economy. It’s not what you do, necessarily, but how you do it. We didn’t hire Lizzie because she is a robot. And I don’t care if there are 17 things or 200 things for her to do each day. We hired her to do whatever needs to be done — and to do it well. And half the shit that most of us do on a daily basis is intangible. For example, you can’t summarize how complicated it is to work for me and do my bidding. That list is insane and has no beginning or end. So I wonder — if you made a list of your job duties, how many items would you have on there? Would your boss care? And could any intern do your job? Listen, some people don’t trust Mexicans — but I know the real secret. Any monkey can replace me. That’s why I don’t trust primates. They are coming for us. It is just a matter of time. They want my job and they’ll do it for less money. Dang monkeys. Go back to where you came from!

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