March 8th, 2013Top Story10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a ParentBy Melanie Pinola
1. Making a Baby Isn't as Easy as It SoundsSome people are able to reproduce as easily as bunnies, but for others, that's not always the case. Before I got pregnant, I naively thought that whenever I would want to have a child, my husband and I would just have sex every day for a month and, bam, that would be it. The human body doesn't really work that way. So if you're thinking of having a child someday and want to plan the pregnancy for a certain time period, consider giving yourself some extra time and try not to stress out about the whole thing. A great book on this subject is Taking Charge of Your Fertility. (It's also awesome even if you're not thinking of getting pregnant but just want to know more about the female body.) 2. The First Few Months Are Pure Torture
Others told me it was hard. But it's impossible to truly convey just what it's like to wake up at night every two hours for several months. Or try to calm a baby who's screaming inconsolably. Or deal with your body now being three sizes bigger than it used to be (graciously, this happens to dads as well as moms). Or struggle with not feeling like yourself for not just months but maybe even years. The other thing to know, though, is that as bad as it gets, you'll get through it. (Just don't be afraid to ask for help, especially if you suffer from post-partum depression.) There are blissful, amazing moments during that period too, and, after enough time passes, you might even think back wistfully on this period and even be crazy enough to go through that torture again. 3. You Will Lose and Sorely Miss SleepEven past the infant and toddler stages, you might have sleep issues. Middle-of-the-night nightmares, kids sleeping between you and your significant other, difficulty getting them up in time for school, and so on. I think it gets better (my daughter is seven and still climbs into our bed at night). I've asked fellow Lifehacker editor and parent Walter Glenn for reassurance, but he's keeping awfully mum on the subject. A word to the wise: Don't start a sleep or nighttime habit (like letting your kid into your bed in the middle of the night) you don't want to continue until your child is in college. 4. You Don't Need a Lot of Baby Stuff or Clothes
Many new parents fear their babies will get bored or will need constant stimulation to develop super baby brains, but the truth is infants pretty much just sleep, wake up and cry to be fed, then fall asleep after being fed. You don't need multiple, endless ways to occupy them even when they've started toddling, because everything is entertaining to a young child. (It's also why baby-proofing is important.) Also, kids tend to discard even new toys quicker than it took you to look for and buy them. I have a garage full of baby distractions and stuffed animals (the bane of my existence) just waiting for garage sale season. To this day, I'm thinking, why didn't I just buy blocks or make toys out of toilet paper rolls. Similarly, I wish I hadn't bought so many baby clothes—at least new ones. For one thing, family and friends love to gift adorable outfits (who can resist buying tiny shoes, even if the baby can't stand up?). For another, kids grow like weeds, so some outfits are rarely even worn before they don't fit. If I could do it over again, I probably would've bought only on-sale or used clothes, enough to last two weeks of laundry. Of course, if your kid gets dirty a lot, you might have to buy more clothes, but wait until you know before hitting up the kids clothing department. 5. Children Rack Up a Lot of Surprise CostsThere is one thing you will need a lot of in the first few years: Diapers. A whole lot of diapers. You know that already, but you're probably still underestimating how many diapers you'll end up buying (or washing, if you go the cloth route). This makes subscribing to a newspaper for the diaper coupons worth it alone. I also wish I had joined Amazon Moms way back when. Other expenses will seem to come out of the blue over the course of your child's life. Music lessons, for example, for a couple of hundred dollars a month, class trip costs, babysitting costs, and even medicine and medical fees can take you by surprise. Perhaps the biggest shocker, though, is the higher-than-college cost of daycare. (It's like you need to take a second job to pay for the daycare that lets you work your first job.) So spend less on baby gear and keep in mind these unexpected (or unexpectedly high) costs that really add up. 6. You Can Work from Home with a Child (But Only Up to a Point)
So even if you're lucky enough to get to work from home, you should plan on getting childcare help once your child is old enough to demand your complete and undivided attention. 7. Don't Worry If Your Child Isn't Reaching Development Milestones
Looking back, though, I accept each kid develops on his or her own timeframe. All that time my daughter wasn't learning how to walk, she was using her energy to learn how to speak. So try not to rush getting your child to talk, walk, run, or read. They grow up all too fast anyway. (By the way, I tried that "teach your kid to be potty trained in one day" mythical method, and it totally backfired. I should have just done what Walter did with his two kids and waited until she was obviously ready.) 8. You Can Never Take Too Many Pictures or VideosIn the first few years, you're probably going to constantly take pictures and videos. Sadly, that falls off as you and they get older. You will never regret having too many pictures of your rapidly growing child, though, so it's something to watch out for. It also helps if you develop a habit of organizing your photos and videos soon after you take them. Otherwise, you'll have a mess of images and videos that are as daunting as the thousands of emails you have in your inbox. Most important, though: Backup, backup, and backup your photos and videos, both locally and offsite. (We like Crashplan for an automated, bulletproof backup system.) Those files are probably the most precious ones to save. 9. Going Out—Anywhere—Will Never Be the Same
Eating out is also a whole new experience. There are Cheerios on the floor to feel guilty about, crayons to keep from rolling off the table, and angry-looking fellow diners (at least in your mind) to deal with. And if you manage to get out for a date night alone with your significant other, you'll probably spend all of the time talking or worrying about your child. Photo by Lordcolus 10. You Will Never Be the SameParenting changes you. I expected this, but I didn't expect just how radically it would. It's not like you turn into your mom or dad overnight, but your values, perspective, and habits get realigned to one single creature: your child (or your children, if you have more than one). It also means:
Finally, just one last thing to know: None of the negative stuff on this list—as terrible and messy as they sound—will really bother you in the long run. You'll discover many new things about yourself as a parent—things that make you stronger, and more vulnerable in a sense too. Author Elizabeth Stone made this terribly true observation: "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body." I think most parents would agree that it is so, so worth it. Just think of this as mental preparation. Click to view |
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