The Cynical Girl: What Do You Call Your Employees? |  |
| What Do You Call Your Employees? Posted: 03 Nov 2011 03:45 AM PDT I hate titles because I am punk rock. Obvs Rawr. Grrr. I’m so angry. I’m raging against the machine. Whatever. Just kidding. I do hate titles because they are stupid and limiting. They never quite capture what we do for a living. I have a good friend (and reader) who was just promoted to VP of People. Although it is the dumbest title in the history of mankind for a Vice President of Human Resources, I am sorta jealous. Being VP of People is one step away from being Queen. But let’s be clear: I would be VP of all people. My domain wouldn’t end in Human Resources. Duh. The worst titles are the ones we use to differentiate labor versus management. I have worked for a ton of companies and I have been referred to as an associate, colleague, employee, laborer, teammate, workmate, and partner. At my current company, I am an agent.
You pick. As long as my check cashes on time and I get to work with great people, I don’t give a shit. The guys who run my company are partners. They are from Texas so people ask, “Are they howdy partners or law firm partners?” I have to clarify — they are equity partners. They own the organization. Okay, fine. They are howdy partners, too. I get totally confused, sometimes. I met a CEO, a few weeks ago, and introduced myself as a partner while standing next to one of the partners of my firm. Then I said, “No wait, I’m an associate.” Then I blanked out and said — I’m not really sure what I do for a living. I’m Laurie Ruettimann. Like a crack addict, I just kept talking while I tried to figure out how to refer to myself. He looked at me like I’m an idiot. I looked at him and wondered, “Is this guy British?” I wonder — what do you call your employees? What do you call your management team? Do you think corporations are people? (Oh snap. Snuck that one in there.) More importantly — if you work in HR, what’s your title? Do you refer to yourselves as HR, personnel, people resources, or something equally as stupid?
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